I was listening to a podcast by Dr. Robert Glover, the author of “No More Mr. Nice Guy.” A phrase he uttered as he closed resonated deeply within me.
“Don’t do it alone,” he said.
Yet doing it alone is exactly what I have been doing, besides working with Andrian, who lives across the world from me.
So, for one of the few rare times in my life, I listened. I emailed Dr. Glover shortly after I’ve heard those words. I wanted to know how I can connect with other men like me. Men who had a similar background and outlook in life as I do. I couldn’t really expect anything out of a random email, but what’s the worst that could happen?
When he actually replied and let me know that there was a workshop he was hosting, in my own backyard, I jumped out of my seat and at the opportunity without a second thought.
What I was looking for was simply a chance to tell my story and meet others like me. What I found in return was a brotherhood of conscious men whom I could expose all of my life to. This brotherhood feeling allowed me to blast through previous walls of self-limiting beliefs to become even more assertive in the world.
Why is this? Why does sharing your life with conscious men brings such a broad set of benefits?
These are the reasons as I see them. This is also the method of which I’m continuing the journey.
The one and only caveat here is that the men you choose to connect with must possess, or aspire to obtain, the same or higher level of consciousness as you do. The reason why will be self-evident.
1. Having Strong Masculine Connections in Your Life Will Allow You to Be Ever More Present and Conscious around the Feminine
We have all been misled to think that to have deeper intimate connections with women, we need to interact with them as often as possible. The truth is contrary to this common misconception. Conscious connections with men are what allow us to do so, setting us apart from other men. These connections give us a safe psychological place to grow our masculine selves without judgment.
When we were evolving in tribes, men would spend time close to each other in hunting parties far away from their permanent shelters. They had to bond and establish trust among each other. Their lives depended on it. This closeness groomed the type of men that would grow into the conscious leadership, if the tribe was to survive the harsh environment and warfare.
When you interact with the stronger and wilder feminine forces, it is this matrix of consciousness that you can lean back on. It becomes the stuff of which you hold in the face of danger. The danger starts from the outside, but it gets internalized as the prospect of going unconscious due to fear or anger reaction.
The masculine connections in your life will help you stay conscious and present in these moments.
2. They Will Challenge You to Stay at the Group Level of Consciousness
Men who strive to be more and more conscious every day have very little patience for those who want to stay unconscious and bring others down with them. You can’t share yourself to a group of conscious men and stay unconscious for long. You will feel that you are letting them down.
Conscious and dynamic men in your life will challenge you to rise to the consciousness level of the whole group. Then keep it there. They do it without coercion or negativity. They naturally gravitate away from baseless judgment and toward higher levels of consciousness. It’s in this gravitation field that your own consciousness level will be lifted up, slowly but surely.
You will either naturally rise to this level or receive the help you need to get there. Since the masculine consciousness, being ascertaining and inclusive, is its own celebration, there is nothing you need to bring other than the willingness to be present and conscious.
Andrian for instance challenged me in many ways with his 30-day challenge project and I owe him for that.
3. You Will Find Common Strength by Exposing Your Common Perceived Weaknesses
By exposing yourself as who you really are, with all your flaws and vulnerabilities, to men who don’t judge you for them, you will find a common inner strength that is almost too strange to describe. It’s akin to a brotherhood, but it requires no bloodletting.
You will realize that your weaknesses, shames, and hidden pains are simply created by your outdated social conditionings. They are perceptions that you have kept alive for so long that they seem like facts. Ironically, the act of bringing them up to the surface and acknowledging them not only dissolves them but actually makes you stronger.
This act cannot be performed by the protective ego, so very few men have the opportunity and willingness to go through with it. Through great pains and fears, it opens the doorways into the light of life within. The more you open these doorways to safe people, the more weaknesses you will turn into strengths.
4. You Will Realize It’s More than Okay to Make Mistakes as a Man
As men, we were taught to be the absolute best and perfect in everything we do to simply live a contented life. This is a load of bullshit.
We grow and actualize by making many many mistakes. We just need to acknowledge them, learn from them, and move on to the next mistake. However, most of us never felt accepted and welcome to make these mistakes in the first place, so we are too scared to try.
Among conscious men, however, mistakes are what bond us. We can talk about our own mistakes non-judgmentally. We can laugh at them collectively. We realize that we all do it so often that it’s no big deal. In fact, we might start to think that they’re something off about a guy who hasn’t made a single mistake in his life.
5. You Will Find Your Negative Judgment in Yourself Unfounded and Outdated
As men, we have all grown up with a fair degree of shame and pain from our social conditionings. We let these shames and pains define us. We can’t let go of the past and so we cling on to neurotic creations to protect us in the future.
When we expose these shames and pains to other men, we find relief. The relief comes from knowing that we all have shame that we don’t need, and none of us think for each other that we are any less human for having them.
Though we all have flaws, very few of us have character flaws. We didn’t need to be ashamed of anything we did in the attempt to be happy.
6. They Will Give You the Validation That You Can Never Find in the Feminine
As men, we tend to look for solidarity and togetherness in a masculine fashion. The masculine way is definitive and everlasting. This type of solidarity is not the same as what we would find in the intimacy with a feminine being, yet most of us look for it there anyway.
This causes a lot of pain to both sides.
When we look for validation where it is appropriate – among the collective consciousness of other men, we actually find it. In turn, we allow women to be as they are to us: the freeflowing forces that energize us without the need for them to prop us up.
7. They Will Keep You Honest and Open to the World
There is something about belonging to a group of guys that is blessed by the light of consciousness that makes you feel invincible as who you are. You don’t need to pretend to be somebody you’re not. In fact, the group doesn’t feel wholesome if all the members were the same. Each member brings a different set of life experiences with him.
This feeling of invulnerability in being who you are allows you to go out there and penetrate deeper into the world. In doing so, you keep yourself open and flexible. Nothing can shake you as long as you stay conscious and true to your own creed.
8. They Will Accelerate Your Self-Differentiation and Integration Rate
Self-differentiation is the process of continuously finding your true self among your peers while integrating with them on a deeper level. It can be summed up as “standing alone together.” This applies to both among-masculine and masculine-to-feminine relationships.
This process is promoted by the ability and willingness to be yourself at any cost, even losing all your intimate connections in your life. It is suppressed by the desire to be accepted into a group at the cost of your own sense of self.
Alpha jerks and nice guys are notorious at the group-think mentality. Their insecurities cause them to surrender their identities for group memberships. Sometimes it’s not their fault; since most form of male groups demand that out of them, such as a gang. Most times, however, they just do it out of habit.
Among safe and conscious men who take no bullshit, self-differentiation is recognized and promoted.
We want to hear each other’s unique stories. We want to see our values of actualizing our individual selves being reflected in each and every member. We want to increase the collective consciousness.
The effect is easy to see.
9. You Will Become a Part of the Collective Masculine Consciousness
It’s not group-think, but when you find yourself integrating with true men on such a deep level, you find the egotistical boundaries around you start to fade away.
Collective consciousness, when it is celebrated, creates a mind melt that is the opposite of group-think.
I felt like I was simply part of a long line of men who, through the act of developing their own consciousness, contribute to the greater consciousness before we come to pass. It was profound and it was soothing. I felt like there was meaning and purpose to my struggle for independence and maturity.
The collective masculine consciousness calls you to continuously live out your life with honest, loving action. It reassures you that no matter what the result of your actions may be, as long as you act boldly, there is no way to lose.
10. You Will Be More Motivated to Penetrate the World and the Feminine
The theme of lovingly acting and penetrating yourself into the universe should now be clear. Out of love and compassion, you find the strongest of inner conviction to pursue what you value in yourself and others.
Out of a collective but differentiated masculine consciousness, you find greater force within yourself to live and act. You find yourself accepting the accountability of living up to the masculine standards set by your ancestors. You find yourself raising the bar, despite all your perceived flaws and limitations. You find the need to develop and be your true self.
Now imagine a woman looking at this man–flawed, yet open and honest. How would he make her feel?
I’m sure there are many more reasons. I can’t think of them all. Do it and you will find more for yourself than you can count.
Here are the steps to get started on this journey:
1. Make a List of Conscious Men That You Know
It doesn’t matter how well you know them. Just make a list of people you’ve met in your life. Stack-rank them, or rank each person from 1 to 10 of their perceived level of consciousness. You can also have a binary system of yes/no. The point is to find out how compatible and conscious they are to you. Give some type of priority and preference to the role models you want to interact with.
Avoid comparing yourself to them. You have something to offer to them and vice versa. If you feel inferior or superior, the attitude will infect the interactions from the start.
2. Make a List of Organizations That Promote Consciousness among Men
I was extremely lucky in finding Dr. Glover, who lives in the same metro area as me. You will have to be more creative in finding organizations of conscious men.
12-step programs are a good start. Any recovery program will allow you to expose yourself unreservedly. Keep in mind that people who are willing to admit to issues and seek help are the strongest and most conscious ones in life.
Dr. Glover has a small list of cities of which men’s groups gather to discuss masculinity.
Beyond recovery programs, you can find entrepreneurship, professional, and interest-based organizations that men tend to congregate. They are tricky since the purpose isn’t necessary about consciousness, but it’s a good place to start meeting people with common interests anyway.
3. Prioritize Those Lists to Make Man-Dates and Join Those Organizations
Start going down the list and contacting people. Feel your bullshit-excuse-generating machine spinning up trying to prevent you from doing so and do it anyway.
Even though your time and energy may be limited, open all the doors that you can. You never know which one is the most fruitful.
Once you start to find men of similar motivation and consciousness, they will propel and motivate you to seek out and go deeper.
4. Follow through and Tell Them the Truth about Your Intentions
Again, your bullshit-excuse-generating machine will make you want to give up early. Blast through this wall and follow through with your commitments.
Let people know about your intentions, up-front and straight-up. You don’t want to waste their time. Tell them about this article if you want to. They will appreciate your candor and honesty.
If they are onboard with your gameplan, they will let you know. They’ll also tell you in what capacity and level they may be able to contribute.
5. Be Okay with Incompatibilities
Many people on your list will turn out to not be conscious, even though it seems that they have the lifestyles that seem to suggest so. It’s natural and completely okay.
Many people and organizations will be awesome, but not to your liking. This is incompatibility. It’s natural and completely okay.
Many people will love to help, but don’t have the time or energy to. It’s natural and completely okay.
Thank them and let them go on their way.
6. Start Your Own Group
That requires a lot of work but it works too.
7. The More You Invest in People and Organizations, the More Benefits You Will Receive
As with any endeavor, the journey of connecting with conscious men will go through these stages:
- Initial investment with little to no benefit, but lots of excitement
- Continuing investment with little to no benefit, reality sets in, you may start to go down the valley of despair
- More investment with exponentially growing benefits
As you push through these stages, it’s important to keep in mind that the benefits are long term. As Dr. Glover said, “90% of the people in the world are no different than cockroaches.” Unconscious people will bore and frustrate you. You will feel like you are surrounded by stubborn people stuck in their own way of thinking.
When the deprivation mode of thinking starts to kick in, simply think of how lucky you are to have met those rare men who possess the gift of consciousness. They are your tribe. Even when you feel lost from your tribe, trust that you will find them again.
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